A Nightmare Revisited
by Demosthenes23
Summary: Julia's perspective of My Soul to Take.


Rationally she knew she shouldn't be surprised, but she couldn't help it, she was more surprised and simultaneously terrified than she had ever been in her life. If a bolt of lightning had struck her down right now, or a vampire were heading straight for the succulent blood currently pounding through her veins, she would have thought it a common, everyday occurrence compared to the event unfolding before her. For there he was, plain as day, eyes jammed shut in a vain effort to escape reality, and she thought with infinite sadness, her. She couldn't really blame him though as she wished to be somewhere far away as well.

It was tremendously painful to see him again after all these months, after her marriage. She hadn't expected it to be so, or maybe she only foolishly hoped it. For when had she ever been able to be in the same room as him and not go weak in the knees? Not for a very long time, not since that first week they had worked together. After that, she found herself suffering the oddest of afflictions. It was like she was tethered to him in an intangible way, so that whenever he left the room, she felt compelled to follow him. Each and every time it had been a struggle not to, like her own personal war was constantly being waged in which she felt like she was dieing over and over again. As the years went by and their emotional connection deepened, so too had her affliction. It had wormed its way down to the very core of her being, to her soul and there it would forever stay. Her illness was so complete, so consuming, that it was now almost impossible to be anywhere near him and not want to throw herself into his arms, which is precisely why she was so terrified at the moment.

She was a married woman now, she had to act like one, no matter how herculean the task. Somehow she must find the strength to persevere against all odds and conquer the monsters of old. She believed this possible for all of two seconds. Then he opened his exceptionally lovely brown eyes and stared directly into her own and she knew in her heart, she had already lost. But Julia was a prize cage fighter, a necessity born of the life she had craved since childhood, and so she promised herself to dodge temptation for as long as possible, swift and sure footed like Athena.

If only she had moved a little faster, she would have been set up at her new practice, safe and sound from the man sized tornado changing course and baring down on her. To the untrained eye, this would have seemed a laughable comparison, but to her fragile and tormented soul, there was no end to the destruction he would wreak. He was in equal measures an angel and a demon. Part of him filled her with the most intense joy and pleasure and the other shackled her battered limbs in preparation for the most agonizing torture known to man, one that was never-ending.

William was so close now that she could smell the familiar intoxicating aroma and she bit her lip in order not to scream from sheer frustration. His mouth opened and words came out but she didn't comprehend them. She was too focused on the way his luscious lips moved, too engrossed with imagining what it would feel like to kiss them once more. Then slowly the sounds became intelligible, though they seemed garbled and slightly out of focus, like her brain was captained by a drunken photographer, blurring every development in the darkness of his practice.

"Doctor," he said awkwardly. "You are looking well."

Could he really be serious? She felt as flimsy and insubstantial as a deboned corpse and was eternally grateful to have the support of the chair beneath her. She was sure that if she attempted to stand up to properly greet him, she would collapse into a disgusting pile of flesh and muscle.

"Wil- Detective," she stammered, heart fluttering. Finding a measure of composure she continued with, "How nice to see you've come back. Did you enjoy your sabbatical?"

She strongly suspected that it had _not_ been a sabbatical but rather a forced leave. It was simply too coincidental that he should disappear the same night a prisoner did. At first it was utterly impossible to her that he could have broken the law. After all, he was the most solidly principled man she had ever met. Right and wrong were black and white to him. There were no shades of grey. But the more she heard of the supposedly faulty locks, the more she questioned her belief and the more she dared to hope that he _had_ committed a crime. For if he wasn't as firmly rooted as she once believed, maybe there was still hope for them? Maybe they could be chopped down together and start growing in a new fertile ground?

"Very much, indeed. It was refreshing to have some time to myself."

"I can imagine," she said softly, thinking about her own self inflicted trap, wishing with all her heart that she hadn't allowed herself to become ensnared, wishing that he had stopped her. With great difficulty she slipped out of that well worn rumination and into something just as abhorrent. "Isn't it strange that at the moment you gained so much freedom," she laughed, the sound like rusty scalpels in her ears, "I myself lost it."

What was wrong with her? Why did she always act so inappropriately when she was trying to protect herself? She could see what her joking manner was doing to him but she couldn't stop herself, she never could.

"Ah, yes, your marriage. Let me congratulate you now on that." He took her hand in his and began to shake it. His touch was so warm, strong and familiar that she wished she could hold on to it forever, a sentiment he seemed to share as his hand had already lingered for longer than was appropriate. As if he had read her mind, he dropped her hand quickly and said, "I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner but-"

"It's okay. You don't need to explain, I quite understand." He remained silent so she took the opportunity to steer clear of the dangerous, shark infested waters. "So, what can I do for you today, detective?"

"Oh, um, nothing really," he muttered with extreme embarrassment. "I just wanted to stop by and say hello. I don't actually have any cases at the moment."

Forcing herself to smile, she said, "That's what I thought. I didn't think there were any dead bodies that I was unaware of." Then she winked, unbelieving that she could be so gregarious under these circumstances. It was as if someone else was in control of her facial functions and they had managed to break the controls. "Well, I'm sure there _are_ but you know what I mean."

He smiled politely at her bad joke like he always did. Then he turned as if to leave but didn't. Julia stared at him for a little while, noticing the change in his demeanour. He seemed to be almost rigid with rigor mortis and she began to worry.

"Is something the matter? You don't look well."

When he didn't respond she looked at him with growing concern. "William," she said, "Why aren't you answering me? What's wrong?" Forgetting for the moment that she was a boneless cadaver, she stood up and felt his forehead. "Oh, dear! You're burning up!" She grabbed his sweaty hand and said hurriedly, "Here, take my seat while I go get a thermometer to check your temperature. I fear that it could be dangerously high!"

Once he was sitting, she headed off in search of a clean thermometer, preferably one that she didn't use on dead bodies. However, it was at this point that she heard a loud thump behind her. She whirled around to find him prostrate and unmoving on the mostly clean morgue floor. Her heart leapt into her throat blocking all air from reaching her brain and making her dizzy with dumbness. With great determination she forced her anatomy back into place and went into action.

"William!" she exclaimed as she rushed to his aid.

To her horror there was nothing she could do! He passed out the moment she attempted to help him. She wasn't a religious woman but at that moment she began praying whole heartedly. The situation was out of her hands. If God really did exist, he better set his sights on William and guide him to shore. She was sure he had boatloads of favours to call in. She just hoped they would be enough to plug the holes before they did too much damage. For if he sunk, surely so would she, to the deepest, darkest recesses of the ocean, where no one would ever find them again.

* * *

Five days. Five long, unbearably slow days had passed since William had been admitted to the hospital and _still_ there had been no improvement. The thought of him lying there, fighting for his life was more than she could stand. She cursed God then, not feeling the faintest amount of fear from doing so. It was as she had longed believed. He was no more real than the imaginary friends she used to play with as a child. Religion was the biggest joke played on humanity since the dawn of time.

As if she needed further validation in her belief, the most horrific string of murders she had ever had the misfortune to deal with had been plaguing her mind incessantly. So it was that she see-sawed back and forth from one torturous topic to the other. As a result her sanity had begun to crack. There didn't seem to be any safe place to land within the corners of her own mind. She didn't know how much longer she could hold out. Something was going to give if things didn't change very soon.

At that instant, Julia wanted nothing more than to run away from the morgue and this crippling responsibility and go to his bedside. She wanted to let the floodgates open and just cry until she could cry no more. Unfortunately she was so exhausted that she didn't have the strength to move. She had used up what little was left trying to remain calm in front of Emily. Julia knew how much the young woman looked up to her and she didn't want to let her down. Not when Emily was so close to taking over her position. If they could just solve these cases, Julia would finally be able to leave and break down the way she so much desired.

She had _not_ thought about doing this with her husband. Julia knew he would disapprove if she were to confide her weakness in him and show such raw emotion. While William kept his emotion in check most of the time, she knew he had a heart of gold and mines full of passion. Her husband was a different matter. She was starting to wonder if Darcy even _had_ emotions. Before their marriage he had been pleasant enough but after it, it was like a switch had been flipped and he had transformed into a completely different person, sort of like Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. No one else had noticed this change because he did his best to act normal while in public. But when it was just the two of them, he made almost no effort to conceal his disdain for everything and everyone, most of all her. It was like he was positively itching to get away from her, like the very sight of her repulsed him in unfathomable ways.

As a consequence, their intimate relations had been less than regular or stellar when they did occur. In fact, they had barely shared a bed since their honeymoon. But she wasn't going to take the blame in any capacity. He seemed to be just as disinterested in such things as she was, which given his change, she was quite happy about.

Julia reached into the corpse she had been dissecting for the last hour, the blood staining her arms up to her elbows. Not wanting to think about the task at hand, her thoughts turned once more to William, and then as if by magic, he appeared. She saw his disgusted expression and for a split second thought it was directed at herself. Since she had been working almost non-stop at the morgue, she was less than presentable at the moment. She felt like crawling into the open chest cavity of the latest victim and suturing it back up. Then she wouldn't have to feel so shamed by his gaze. But then he pinched his nose closed and she realized it must be because of the stench of all the bodies. She had been immersed in it for so long that she barely noticed it anymore. She almost laughed at the nonsense of her previous notion. It was absurd that William would ever look at her like Darcy. Even when she told him about her abortion and the fact that she was sterile, he had never looked at her with as much loathing as her loving husband. She was absolutely elated at his recovery and wanted desperately to embrace him but instead settled for a more watered down approach.

"William!" she exclaimed, beaming. "I'm so glad you're feeling better. You had me quite worried." He returned a hesitant smile at first but it grew in size after a few seconds.

Then it abruptly faded and he said sorrowfully, the words thick and difficult to follow as his nose pinching made him sound like he had a heavy cold, "I'b sorry. Id looks like you'b had plendy do deal wid widout be adding do de bix."

"Nonsense." She averted her gaze and said quietly, almost to herself, half hoping he wouldn't hear, "Even though things turned out the way they have, I will always care for you, William. I won't have you apologizing for that."

He didn't respond and she chanced a glance at his reaction. His face was contorted into a grimace and she knew she had overstepped her boundaries. It was exceedingly frustrating that she seemed incapable of controlling her tongue around him lately. Rather than owe up to this or suffer through the excruciating silence any longer, she played his reaction as having to do with his illness.

"William?" she said anxiously. "Are you okay? Has your fever returned?"

And then wonder of wonders, he used her own ill advised tactic, he tried to be funny in order to lighten the mood!

"Hab no beer, Julia! I haben't lost by ability to speak today!"

Then he actually laughed! Granted it was obviously forced but it was such a rare sound to her that it was quite surprising. So much so that she even giggled stupidly in response.

_Oh, how embarrassing!_

Again, she felt like shoving her head in the open corpse like an Ostrich would in a ridiculous attempt to hide from its predators. Luckily she was able to avoid this absurd display when Emily choose that instant to make herself known.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything important."

Julia wondered how long she had been listening to the conversation before this statement. Knowing her, it had been quite awhile and judging by her gleeful expression, this was almost a certainty. For this reason Julia was embarrassed all over again.

"Oh, not at all, Emily," she said more awkwardly than she had intended. "Allow me to introduce Detective Murdoch. Dr. Grace here is my protégé. She's been very helpful these past few days. Without her, there's no way I could have kept up with all the autopsies."

Emily smiled mischievously as they shook hands. "I've heard great things about you, detective. I hope you can live up to them. From what I understand, the constabulary is floundering. Apparently you're the only one with half a brain."

Julia gasped and exclaimed, "Emily!"

"Id's bine, Julia. She didn't bean anyding by id."

"Julia?" Emily murmured, eyebrows raised.

"Anyways," said Julia, wanting to quickly change the topic, "why don't you tell the Detective your theory? I'm still finishing up with this body but I should be done momentarily and then I'll join you."

"Bebore be ged starded," said William, slightly swaying, "do you bind id be rebove ourselbes brom dis area?"

"Of course," Emily said, eyes laughing.

Julia was peeved that she took such obvious amusement in William's distress. She wondered then why she tried so hard to impress this woman, who more often times than not behaved like a little girl, totally oblivious to others feelings. Then she remembered why. It was like Emily had replaced her sister Ruby, at least in respect to her blunt manner, and for that reason, she couldn't help but not try to impress her.

They headed over to her office and she suddenly was irrationally jealous of her for getting to spend time alone with him. So instead of closing up the body like she normally would, she hastily started cleaning the blood from her arms and hands. The blood was thick and stubborn but she scrubbed away at it till her limbs were pink and slightly raw. She rolled up her sleeves to conceal her self inflicted mutilation and headed to where they were, catching the end of one of William's sentences.

"...conducting the investigation yourself." He turned to her, appearing mildly surprised at her quick re-emergence and said, "George already informed me that you believe one person killed everyone. I didn't get him to elaborate though. Would you be so kind as to do that now?"

To her annoyance, Dr. Grace answered instead. "It wasn't obvious at first glance, far from it. But yesterday when we explored the _way _in which all the wounds were inflicted, it _became_ obvious to us."

"Yes," said Julia, wrestling the spotlight from her protege, "he kills with such a deliberate purpose that one can't help but notice it. As well, there's never even a trace of hesitation in any of the injuries. And he always targets critical areas that cause the victims to die instantly, or at least painlessly."

William looked off into space like he did when he was in deep concentration. Emily seemed very fascinated by this occurrence and glanced at Julia, as if she needed confirmation that this was normal. Julia simply nodded and Emily went back to staring at him, unabashedly, annoying the living daylights out of her. When she felt she had to put a stop to this, William snapped out of his trance like state.

"Why didn't you discover this earlier?" he asked rather harshly. Julia was taken aback but Emily responded in kind.

"Look around you detective," she said brashly, "we've been rather busy. It was only yesterday that we finally had a bit of time to breath."

"Forgive me. Say you are correct, Dr. Grace. Say we are dealing with a serial killer." He shared a look with Julia. She knew why. He was thinking about Harland Orgill. And then because of his piercing look, she felt vulnerable and became afraid. "In your professional opinion, is it likely that this is his first time going on a killing spree?"

"Not likely at all, detective," said Emily, matter of factly. "This was clearly a practised hand. There's no way he's never killed before this."

"She's right," said Julia in a strained voice. "Whoever is behind this has been doing this for a very long time."

William got a grim sort of smile at her words. Then he nodded and thanked them and was on his way. Once again it was just her and Emily. She wasn't particularly in the mood to deal with the smug questions that were likely to ensue.

"Detective Murdoch is quite the male specimen," said Emily impudently. "I think he more than stands up to his legacy, at least as far as looks go. We'll have to see if his mind is as impressive as the rest of him." Julia knew what she was trying to do. Emily wanted to get a rise out of her but she wasn't about to fall for the bait. So Emily shamelessly continued. "Come now, Julia, we are both women, there's no need to hide the truth from me. I can see it in your eyes, in the way you act around him. You used to be more than just colleagues."

Emily was behaving far too similar to Ruby and so Julia was unable to contain her annoyance any longer.

"What of it!" she burst out. "How mean of you to bring up such memories! And to your superior no less!"

"It's just," muttered Emily, for once slightly taken aback herself, "I've worked here for months and I've never seen you happier. It's a nice change."

"Oh," she said looking away. And then to get away from the ugly truth said, "Well I've got a cadaver to close up."

"No, let me."

That was as close to an apology as Emily was capable of so Julia took it. Then she speedily exited the morgue and wandered around for half an hour, partly to burn off some steam but mostly because she was unsure of where to go. Home was a desolate wasteland and the precinct was now a field of landmines. She hadn't been eating much these days, especially since William's mysterious illness and now that he was better, found herself to be utterly famished. So home it was. Hopefully Melissa would have a nice meal put together by the time she got there.

Thankfully Darcy hadn't come home for lunch today, indeed he rarely did anymore, and she had the place to herself, save for the few servants that they had. But Darcy had trained them well so they were rarely seen or heard except at meal times. She asked Melissa for a bit of red wine and the woman couldn't help but show her disapproval. Julia didn't take offence since she knew she had gotten into a bad habit. She was drinking almost every day now, though usually it wasn't until the evening meal. Regardless, the wine was promptly poured and after just one sip, she could feel her muscles beginning to relax, washing away the sizable amount of pent up tension.

Far too soon she was finished her meal and begrudgingly decided she must head back to the morgue. Considering how many bodies had been turning up, she wouldn't be surprised if there was another waiting for her.

All was quiet, there were no new additions there. For the next hour she went over the case notes and looked for any clues she might have missed. But it was no use, the killer simply wasn't leaving any evidence behind. And just like that, two constables came barging in with another body.

_Will this ever end?_

Even the sight of William did little to alleviate her woes. That is until he launched into a passionate narrative about how this body appeared to be different, that a clue had finally been found! When he got fired up like that, it was impossible not to be caught up in the cross-hairs. She started to fantasize about him shirtless...no, she wouldn't go down that road again, it was just too painful. Once he had finished speaking Julia didn't mind heading back to the grindstone. However, it wasn't long before her good mood disintegrated into a pile of ash, just like she wished this killer would. She checked the body as thoroughly as humanly possible but the results were always the same. Two hours later William came back to get them.

"What are your findings about the body, doctor?"

"It's just as you suspected," she answered. "She suffered no other injuries than the fatal blow. This is definitely the work of the same killer."

"And what about the blood drop?" he enquired, ever hopeful.

He reminded her of a puppy dog then and it broke her heart for what felt like the thousandth time since his return.

"I'm sorry, detective," she said sadly, "there's nothing unusual about it. At least, I can't determine if there is or not, as it was far too small a sample to do any real tests with. It's definitely human blood, but that's all I can tell you."

He tried not to let his disappointment show but she could see just how crushed he really was. She was certain that her manner was paralleling his own. "Thank you, doctor." He was about to leave the morgue and then thought better of it. His eyes became hard and he said with determination, likely more than he actually felt, "Don't worry, Julia. I'm sure we'll get to the bottom of this. I promise I'll catch this man."

"Thank you, William," she said, smiling weakly, happy to see him taking charge again. For if anyone would be able to solve this case, it would be him. "I needed to hear that."

He was about to leave again and it was all she could do not to grab his hand to reassure him as he had reassured her. But she fought the impulse like a skilled lion tamer, whipping her desire into submission. So far she had been able to hold out but what happened when her exhaustion became complete and she no longer had control over her emotions? Again, she dared not think in those terms, it was far too dangerous a road to travel and her shoes were almost in shreds.

Obviously the best defence against this eventuality would be to get some rest and recharge her batteries, but for the usual reasons, she didn't much feel like going home. Instead she stopped at a local bar. She didn't know whether heads were turning because she was alone or because of her dreadful appearance, and she didn't much care. All she cared about right now was getting a drink, and a strong one at that.

After five whiskeys she was feeling much better about her situation and decided it was about time to head home. But when she tried to stand up, found herself too light headed and grabbed the counter to steady herself. The barkeep eyed her then and when she continued to try to move but almost fell over again, he called out to someone in the back room.

"Cletus!"

"What?"

"Get your arse out here now!"

"Why?"

"Just do it!"

The scrawny man appeared and the barkeep said, "Call this lady a carriage, she's in no condition to be walking."

"Why don't you do it?"

The barkeep whipped him in the head with a cloth, it made a sound like a whip or maybe her perception was just severely altered. "I'm running my goddamn business! That's why! Now hop to it, you ingrate! And don't you dare try to take any liberties with her or it'll be your head!"

Cletus finally did as he was told and then waited outside with her until the carriage arrived. While he had eyed her several times in a way that she didn't like, he hadn't attempted to do anything to her, for which she was extremely grateful. Once she was home bound, she put her head in her hands and began to cry silent tears. She knew she couldn't keep doing things like this but she just couldn't help it. Reality was her worst enemy right now, in fact, it had been for quite some time. But if she didn't have the strength to save herself, who else would? Who else _could_?

As if in answer, a pair of beautiful brown eyes swam across her memory and she tried to steer clear but the current of the thought was far too strong and it pulled her over the waterfall of her sanity. As she fell, she opened her arms wide to embrace the end, but she never hit the sharp rocks below. Two strong, firm hands grabbed her, arms enveloped her and they landed on the banks beside the roaring water. And then lusty lips close to her ear whispered, "Don't worry, you're safe now."

"I have to go," she whimpered, "I can't be here!"

"Why not Julia?" his voice seductively sweet, "Why can't we stay like this forever?"

"Because it's not right! I'm married now!"

"No one will ever know," he purred. "Come to me, my love. Let us taste of the forbidden fruit."

She couldn't resist any longer and they kissed deeply, drinking him up as if from a chalice of everlasting wine. Then she opened her eyes and saw that she had been kissing Darcy. She recoiled from his touch and he stared at her with eyes brimming full of hell fire.

"I knew you were a whore!"

The scene changed and he was gripping her throat over a pit of lava, his iron grip choking all rational thought from her mind as she flailed around helplessly. The flames were rising up to met her and she screamed, though it made barely a sound since her airway was blocked.

"This is where you belong! Farewell my _dear_!"

He released her and she abruptly woke up. The carriage conductor was shaking her, telling her that they were home. She thanked him for the ride and slowly staggered to the house. It was late, and she was exhausted, but after that nightmare, how was she ever to get any rest?

* * *

In the morning she awoke groggily as she had slept poorly. As far as she could tell, Darcy hadn't even come home last night. In fact, he hadn't been home much at all lately. Just to make sure she checked his bed in his room and sure enough, it clearly hadn't been slept in. Did he rendezvous with some woman? Had he sinned far more deeply than she had? Or was it something else all together? To tell the truth, she didn't much care. The days were better when he wasn't around.

After a cup of coffee, she headed in to work, since she found she wasn't the least bit hungry. Excessive alcohol consumption always seemed to curb her appetite, even many hours later.

To her surprise the morgue was completely cleared of bodies. Emily was sitting in a corner writing up a report. She looked up when Julia entered the room.

"Emily, what-"

"Apparently there's been a break in the case so I decided it was high time we removed the cadavers since they haven't been of much help anyways."

Her thoughts were stuck in limbo on the first part of that statement.

A break in the case? Did that mean William had caught the murderer and she was finally free to escape temptation?

"Does that mean they caught this monster then?"

"I have no idea, Julia. They don't tell me very much. But if they haven't yet, I'd say it isn't long now. They were very excited, you see."

If she wanted to know for sure, all she had to do was walk the hundred and thirty four steps to his door. But she couldn't bring herself to. She was afraid of what might happen if they were alone in his office. Instead she sat behind her desk and picked up a novel she had been trying to read for the past two weeks. It was called The Picture of Dorian Gray and it was about this young man who sold his soul so that he could have eternal youth. His soul was bound to a painting of himself and so every sinful thing he did in real life, would stain that instead of his own angelic face. The tale was likely a forceful lesson about the old adage, all that glitters is not gold or more commonly, appearances can be deceiving. She was only half way through this fascinating, yet terrifying story but she had a pretty good idea of how it would end. But only if there was a moral to the story. If Oscar Wilde didn't think such a thing were necessary, she shuddered to think how many more atrocities the man would commit.

Losing herself in the sometimes lurid descriptions, she found herself to be becoming more and more worn out by the minute. The tale was hitting too close to home with all the violence and lust and she couldn't read it for another second more. Her eyes drooped and when her muscles relaxed, the book fell out of her hand. When it hit the ground, with a resounding thud, she was instantly awakened. It was at this point that she noticed William. Smiling sleepily, she stood up and went over to him.

"Detective," she mumbled, "please tell me that there aren't any more bodies."

"As far as I know, doctor, there aren't."

"So then, how can I help you right now?"

"Oh," he said smiling, "I just wanted to inform you that I believe we are very close to catching the killer."

All her sleepiness vanished and she said, "Really? Why that's wonderful news! Do you know his name?"

"Gabriel Langlois."

"A French man? I would never have guessed."

"Me neither. For whatever reason, most of these psychopaths seem to originate in London. It must have something to do with the condition of the area. Maybe the rampant poverty just brings out the worst in people there, more so than anywhere else."

"Maybe," she said. It was silent for a moment and she gazed around. Emily was no longer there so she decided to finally get this over with. With eyes averted, "William, I have to tell you something. I've been meaning to for awhile but just haven't gotten around to it."

Even without looking at him, she could tell that he was instantly alerted by her tone as evidenced by the way his feet became more rigid. She wished she didn't have to go through with this but it was a necessity, for both their sakes.

"Oh? What is it, Julia?"

"After this case is over, I'm going to be leaving." Her heart lurched horribly at her own words. "Don't worry though, Dr. Grace is more than capable of taking over for me."

"Why?" he said so sadly.

She imagined him with the puppy dog eyes again so she did not look at him for it would undoubtedly be too painful and she would lose her resolve. "You know why. We made our decisions, William. It's not appropriate for me to be working so closely with you anymore. I had hoped to be re-situated before you got back but unfortunately that didn't quite work out as planned. And then this case hit and I had to help Dr. Grace out, so my leaving was forestalled even longer. But if it is as you say, and the case is almost closed, then I will be going as soon as it is."

"Don't go." he pleaded, the words choked with emotion.

Was he saying what she thought he was? Julia couldn't stop herself now, she had to look up. Their eyes locked and she was momentarily stunned because his eyes were glistening like the last time they were in a similar situation. But he hadn't said anything that time and in a classic manoeuvre to protect herself, she had taken the first exit out and left for Buffalo. And that was exactly why they were in this mess. Why had she acted so foolishly? But none of that mattered now, it was too late. She needed to get away from him at all costs so she erupted at him with much more force than she truly felt.

"How can you ask me _that_, William? _You_ have _no_ right to! _You're_ the one who didn't come! _You _had all the power to stop me but you _did__n't_! _You_ made your choice and _I _made _mi__ne_ and that's _all_ there is to say about _that_!"

She had expected that to be the end of it, had hoped this to be the case, had hoped he would simply walk away. Never in her wildest imagination did she expect him to become fiery with passion!

"_I'm_ not the one who ran off to _Buffalo_ after dropping a _huge _bombshell on _your _head! _You_ didn't give _me_ a chance to collect my _thoughts_! _You_ just up and _left_! _I_ was going to propose and _you_ didn't give me a chance _to_! _You_ went and got engaged immediately to the next man who paid you the _slightest_ amount of attention! How _could_ you do it, Julia! You can't possibly love _him_!"

It was all true of course but she couldn't let him know that. She had to attack in kind and finish this fight before she lost her resolve and fell into his arms.

"How _dare_ you!" she shrieked. "_You_ can't possibly know what I _feel_! _You're_ the most emotionally closed off person that I've _ever_ met! What do _you _know about _love_?"

She braced herself for the backlash but bizarrely he just stood there and said nothing. He didn't try to leave, he didn't try to do anything. It was as if his brain had left the building. In order to bring him back to planet Earth, she screamed again.

"Well! Are you going to answer me? Or are you just going to stand there with a stupid grin on your face?"

He appeared very confused with what was going on and didn't respond. If he wasn't going to leave, she had to, she had to this instant!

"That's what I thought!"

Then she stormed out of the morgue and collapsed on a park bench not far away. That whole ordeal had been extremely draining on her. Not just emotionally but physically as well. She felt like crying again but held back the tears since she was in public. She wasn't sure how long she could sustain this so she hurried back home, to the privacy of her own room and locked the door. Then she buried her face in her pillow to muffle the sound of her bitter tears. Thankfully she cried herself to sleep and before long, she was experiencing dreamless sleep.

At some point unknown to her, her mind began chanting the same phrase over and over again. It was 'Be a better man than your father.' She didn't know why she would be thinking this particular thing seeing as she wasn't a man and even if she was, she couldn't have tried to be better than him. He was a darling angel compared to her. For whatever reason the phrase continued to echo throughout her mind for what seemed like forever.

Then in an instant, she found herself blinking in the sunlight of what appeared to be a barn. And stranger than that, William was standing before her holding his hefty recording device.

"William?"

At her voice, he cried out happily and his face lit up with an expression of pure joy. It had been a long time since anyone had looked at her like that and she felt a bit uncomfortable but mostly pleased. In the same moment he tossed the device to the ground, cracking it in the middle, and threw himself into her arms, head on her chest. Needless to say, Julia was flabbergasted at this highly inappropriate display of affection and even blushed a little. But she got over that quickly enough and held him closer, if that was even possible. Clearly something major had happened to be causing him to act like this. She was vaguely wondering if it had to do with the case when she saw George sheepishly standing off in the corner, eyes downcast awkwardly at what was occurring. For his sake, she attempted to get to the bottom of this bizarre circumstance once more.

"William, what has happened? Why are we here?"

He let go of her and knelt in front of her, as if he were proposing.

_What a preposterous notion!_

"You mean you don't remember anything?" he asked incredulously.

"Well, no. I went to bed early because I was very...tired. And then I woke up here."

"Oh," he said looking away. "I was hoping...let's get you home."

She didn't understand what the big deal was. Was he trying to protect her from something? Had the serial killer come after her? Is that what all this was about? Since he wasn't a mind reader and seemed rather hesitant to fill her in, she asked the question aloud.

"Does this have anything to do with the serial killer?"

He appeared surprised by her question but didn't respond.

So he _had_ come after her! She shivered at the idea. What were the chances that two serial killers would take such an interest in her? Was she some sort of magnet for death and destruction? She understood to some degree why he wouldn't want to inform her of this as she had been very shell shocked the last time. But only to a very small degree. She wasn't injured in any way and in fact didn't even remember anything that had happened to her, so why was he avoiding the topic like the plague?

Then she thought she knew the answer. Did the killer get away and now William feared for her life?

"Did you not catch him?"

"Oh, we caught him all right," he responded sombrely. "He won't be hurting anyone ever again."

"Then what's the problem, William? Why can't you look at me?"

Still not looking at her, he said, "It's difficult to explain, Julia. Let me take you home first. I fear you may want to lie down after I tell you. After all, your life will never be the same again."

It was so unlike William to be so dramatic. This scared her more than words could say.

"Don't keep me in suspense, William, just tell me now!"

He was silent for what felt like an interminably long period but which in reality was probably only a few seconds. Then he spoke, the words rained down on her like hail, banging and bruising her already fragile ego.

"Gabriel Langlois was someone you knew, or rather someone you thought you knew. There's no point in dragging this out any longer, so I'm just going to come out and say it." He sighed deeply and said, "Gabriel was Darcy." She stared at him in horror, unbelieving. "They were one and same person."

"No, you must be mistaken," she said shakily, feeling extremely nauseated. "There's no way, no way." He looked at her with eyes full of pity and she knew there was no denying the ugly truth. "No, no, NO!"

This was too much to bear, there was not enough oxygen in the room, she began to hyperventilate and the world started spinning. As she passed out, William called her name, his voice echoing as if from a far off distance. The void of nothingness that she now inhabited was far preferable to reality. Unfortunately all too soon she regained consciousness and everything was very much the same, except George had come over to her side as well.

She found it hard to formulate coherent sentences in her head. "Out! Now! Please!"

William and George lifted her to her feet and supported her weight from both sides. Once they exited the barn, she knew exactly where they were and this realization made her stumble from light headedness again. They held her aloft and put her into the waiting carriage. George took the drivers seat and William remained in the enclosure with Julia.

Before they went anywhere she said, "On second thought, I don't think I can handle going home."

"You need to rest, Julia," said William concernedly.

"I've already rested plenty." Like a little frightened school girl she whimpered, "Don't make me go back there."

"All right." He exited the carriage and said something privately to George, then he got back in beside her.

"Where are we going? My fathers?"

He shook his head and she half expected him to say his place.

"Your father is out of town, Julia." Of course, how could she forget! He always went away at this time of year. "We're going to the Brackenreids. Given the circumstances, I'm sure they would be more than happy to put you up for awhile, at least until your own family arrives."

"That would be lovely. It's been ages since I've seen Margaret and the boys."

It seemed impossible to her that they were having a civilized conversation after everything that had happened. But here they were.

"Yes, I thought you might like that. I believe the best thing for you right now is company."

In response she laid her head on his shoulder. After some time passed, he took her hand in his. They rode the rest of the journey in silence. She was afraid if she tried to speak anymore, insane ramblings would burst forth from her lips and force William to jump from the carriage in order to avoid being ripped to shreds. Instead she kept her manic behaviour locked up, to be released only when she couldn't hold it in any longer. She knew this wasn't healthy but the turn of events wasn't exactly normal so a normal response shouldn't be required. At least she tried to rationalize it this way.

They arrived at the Brackenreids and they welcomed her with open arms. The air was morose and awkward at first as they took their seats in the parlour room but then Thomas tried to liven things up by telling some bawdy stories from his youth. Julia was sure that under normal circumstances, Margaret would have told him off but for her sake, she actually encouraged him! Whenever Thomas fell silent, George would intervene, giving some ridiculous anecdote about one of his thousand aunts. She wasn't going to complain though, she needed this distraction from her debilitating thoughts, just like the last time she had encountered a serial killer and needed some human touch. Speaking of which, it was then that she noticed William was holding her hand.

_How long had he been doing that for?_

Unfortunately, after only a short while she found herself unintentionally blocking them out and began obsessing over the shocking revelation. Eventually it must have become apparent that she wasn't paying attention to them by her lack of interaction and the party broke up. William hugged her goodbye and then Margaret showed her to the tiny guest room. Now would have been the time to try and process the terrifying revelation that she had been intimate with a psychopathic murderer but she found that she just couldn't. Instead she took some laudanum and drifted off into turbulent dreams. For two weeks she would need to do this in order to get any rest. She even upped the dosage a bit when she learned the full truth of everything that had happened. It was all so surreal, how could this be her life?

Her sister and father had come running as soon as they heard about the death of her husband. While she was elated to see them, she couldn't bring herself to tell them the awful truth. After just one day of being around them, she was utterly exhausted. So she thanked them for their sympathies but told them she was going to stay at a hotel as she wanted some time alone. And so it was that she went back to the Brackenreids. Previously they had mostly let her be and she was grateful for it.

* * *

Before she knew it, the funeral was taking place, and there were hordes of people giving her their condolences. If only they knew the real truth of his demise, she was sure they would have wanted nothing to do with her. The truth of Darcy's character had never been revealed to the press. She knew she owed William and Thomas for that rather large favour, though they stubbornly wouldn't admit it.

It had been a closed casket because Julia was afraid she might have snapped and tried to gouge out his eyes if she had been forced to see his face ever again in person. Her dreams were another matter. In that landscape, there was no hiding, no control, no way out. But the laudanum dulled her senses and made it easier to cope with the nightmares. She just hoped she didn't become an addict, the alcohol had been bad enough.

When Darcy's friends from Buffalo got up to speak, and went on and on about what a good man he had been and how many children he had helped, she felt sick to her stomach. She wished William was sitting beside her so that he could give her hand an understanding squeeze. But instead she was surrounded by her family, just the way it was supposed to be. Finally she was expected to speak and she didn't know what she was going to say when she got up there. When she faced the crowd, she decided she couldn't allow this farce to continue any longer. She had to tell everyone the truth. She started crying and began to speak but William intervened, as if he had read her intention all along. He took her away from there, through the throng of murmuring spectators. After that she remained locked up in her room for days on end.

Then one day William asked her to accompany him on a stroll through the park. He thought the fresh air would be beneficial to her. No doubt Margaret had informed Thomas that she had become a hermit, and Thomas had told William and so here he was.

They walked in silence for a long time. She couldn't speak for him but as for herself, she simply didn't know what to say. They had been through so much and had so much baggage that it was difficult to know where to start.

Eventually he did speak; he filled her in on the recent case he had worked and she listened politely but for once didn't find the topic overly appealing. That wasn't saying much as she didn't find anything very appealing lately, but it disconcerted her that something William was saying held no interest to her. By the time he took her back to the Brackenreids, she had scarcely said five words.

He didn't seem perturbed at all by this. He simply nodded and bid her good day.

The next day was much the same. They went on an outing in which he took the full brunt of the conversation upon himself. This process repeated for quite awhile until she finally found herself taking an active interest in things again. When she felt more like her old self again, he dropped a bombshell on her.

"So tell me, Julia, are you willing to try this one last time?"

Momentarily stunned, she nevertheless recovered and responded in kind.

"That depends, William, what on earth are you talking about?"

They smiled at each other and then held hands as they strolled through the park. It was a glorious day. Not because the weather was particularly nice (in fact it was quite gloomy out) but rather because they were there together, about to resume their journey once more (and she hoped, for the last time). She couldn't wait to get started.


End file.
